12/3/2011 I love my chiropractor! And new family dr

Dr Rebecca Jordan in Wichita, KS is a miracle worker. I was T-boned in a wreck where the lady ran a red light. My back pinched both sciatic nerves, I was in level 9 pain in my back and both legs, my family dr did an X-ray of my hip, and thy and sent me on my way. Went back seen a different dr got flexeril. Then went to Dr Jordan who is my new best friend cause my once 9 pain level, I have nearly cut that in half and now sit at a pain level of 4-6 instead! Awesome miracle worker!
Now I have found a new dr and I already know I am going to enjoy having her as a dr. Anyway Dr Yang I rushed me out the door before I realized I was walking away without any pills to manage my pain. So that's why I changed drs plus his nurse is too grumpy too. Anyways I'm nodding off so I need to go to sleep got D's boys scout space derby tomorrow and chiropractor appointment so gn!
Sincerely,
Rabeka Jo

2011-11-15

So today I was at the school picking up my cousin's kid and this lady commented on how I was wearing an Eeyore coat and she stated she wore her Carebear grumpy bear coat earlier...yeah I am "wearing carebear panties LMAO I am just a big kid and if I could find Sherah or Rainbowbright stuff to wear I would wear them too LOL and she said I liked ninja turtles...I said oh yeah I loved those too...I asked if she remembered the Rap cd they brought out with Pizza hut and she didn't know what I was talking about and I said oh you must be younger than me cause I remember like it was yesterday...she said no I shouldn't even have this young kid in pre-k cause she was too old or whatever and I was like you can't be older than me I am 31...and she said well I am 32 and I said Oh ok well not much older than me...but irony of it was that I am sitting here trying to get pregnant with my 3rd at home but 7th I have or will have gave birth to and she is sitting here saying she shouldn't have a kid in pre k at her age LMAO!
So what am I doing trying to get pregnant at "MY AGE"?! LMAO wow I didn't know I was old until today XD too funny!
So that made my day today...still haven't taken Cymbolta, and my doctor didn't prescribe me anything for my pain so I am suffering...so I don't know what to do...guess he thinks I am an addict...who cares I am done I guess...with doctors at least...they don't know nothing anyways...and when they think they know something only a pill is going to fix me but no its just going to cover the problem and then eventually the untreated problem is going to cause more problems as well as the pill is going to give side effects that are worse than what you were facing in the first place so then they prescribe more drugs to cover up those side effects until you are on so many drugs you cant see straight when all you really needed was something to smoke to make you feel so much better...and pain free...and hey it even grows brain cells...proven fact! Comment if you know what I am talking about! Totally should be legalized!

Tonight was Boyscouts for my oldest son...that went well...minus the frustrating glue foam project they had to do wow that was frustrating...so yeah...anyways...they boys had fun thats what matters...(not my youngest he threw a fit when he seen what the oldest had done that night) anyways...
We put the car in the shop today too...that was an adventure...now we wait...hopefully we will get our car back soon cause the Dodge Avenger is the worst care we have driven in our lives...it has too many blind spots and scares us to death...anyways its a rental thank God...so it won't be ours for ever...just until they fix our car...anyways.

I hope the calls stop tomorrow for my husband so he can sleep during the day and I hope they don't call me until after noon...cause I want to sleep in tomorrow...before the next day which is Thursday when I have Comcare to go to for my counselor at 9am and then stick around there for an hour until my group at 11am so yeah Thursday will be a good day...anyways...
Thats about it I think for the last few days...my hip hurts still its like I have flu in the lower back and its shooting the flu like feeling down my legs and its so achy and hurts so bad but IDK what to do about it...cause dr didn't write a script just took x rays and said OK its not broke see ya basically and then the nurse was going to call me out something and they didn't call me to let me know they did call me out something so IDK...I guess I could go down to the pharmacy and see if they called anything out for me or not...but I am sure they would have called me and let me know...hmm...anyways
I will talk to you later,
Thanks for listening.
Sincerely,
Rabeka Jo

This is the end results of an accident we were in on 11-11-11 where a lady ran a red light and T-boned us...I hope to have the car fixed soon cause having to climb over and in and out is a drag and pain in my butt cause the middle isn't exactly goose proof...if you know what I mean...anyways...my husband has been cleaning the garage to make room for the porche to be moved into the garage...I been trying to help but my back, and my hip/leg on the left side hurts so I am not really helpful today...I wanted to go to the minor emergency today but didn't get to go yet...not sure if I will end up going or not...I don't feel like climbing in and out only to be told everything is fine...and there is  no pain meds they can prescribe me because they can't prescribe narcotics so why bother? just soft tissue damage I think any way...the deep tissue too....anyways...I am sorer than I was at the time of the accident as many people are...
Anyways just thought I would share what happened yesterday...thanks for stopping by and checking in on me...ttyl
Sincerely,
Rabeka Jo

Post colonoscopy

Food never tasted so good...they were right it's not as bad as the prep. I'm currently chowing down on Spangles breakfast bowl and it tastes soooo good!
Everything was normal so it's IBS so comment your natural way to take care of yours I appreciate.
Stomach hurts still so nothing for pain so idk what to do but sleep ASAP.
Having a second breakfast bowl coming I've been starving since Monday at midnight when I was forced to stop eating solid foods and went on a liquid diet so I'm entitled to a second helping.
Anyway thought I wouldn't leave you hanging my invisible concerned blog readers. :-)
Talk to you later
Sincerely,
Rabeka Jo
Ps. I'm a lil loopier than normal cuz of anesthesia so pardon me no big major decisions no matter how he'll bent I am on getting a tattoo today my husband won't let me :-( lol

Colonoscopy prep finished

Go to > http//:www.YouTube.com/user/Rabekajo < to view my latest video of me drinking the prep stuff...I think it's funny.
Nasty stuff and man my butt is all sorts of tore up (sorry to be graphic but hey I'm being honest here) hemorrhoids galore down there seen and felt at least 3 down there while applying A&D to the area, someone on a message board recommended Vaseline but I prefer A&D when messing around with injuries like bleeding hemorrhoids. People also say the prep is worse than the procedure but I shall be the judge tomorrow at 9 am CST pray for me that they find the benign reason behind my pain and instantly fix the problem and pain can be a thing of the past for me. Thanks.
Surprisingly this experience was exactly the same experience I had while taking Zoloft weird huh? Horrifying definitely I hope to never have to do this again for a very long time if not never again.
I'm not going to sugar coat nothing. So if you are looking for truth, you have come to the right place. Subscribe publicly so I know people like what they read and comment I don't mind answering questions. Actually being able to answer questions would be so awesome! So thanks for the feed back.
Well gotta get some sleep...I'm wearing a depends (adult diaper) for just in case cuz it seeps out a little I think. Anyways thanks for checking in on me, this blogger app sure makes keeping up with them a lot easier so thanks blogger!
Ttyl
Sincerely,
Rabeka Jo

Note Mental standpoint

I realize people grieve differently but I feel guilty for the way I am grieving...it's almost like "oh well...I'm used to it" which is half way true it's becoming more and more a trend in my life. When everyone around me is so sorry to hear of yet another loss in my life most are more sorry than I am which to me is the coldest thing I can declare being a bereaved mother twice now, daughter and granddaughter twice now. But it's truth whether I want it to be or not.
Maybe I finally have that defense mechanism my husband wishes I had and it's kicked in and is full power ahead...I guess that's a possibility...
I say to many I'm praying for you but honestly I hardly even pray ever in my life because of fear of not doing it correctly just as with cleaning or gardening I have this sheer terror come over me when even thinking about doing anything and everything I force myself in doing things then when just one person criticizes my accomplishment I painfully accomplished finally I quickly start questioning everything I'm doing in life as in if I'm doing those things right too...it's stupid but out of my control completely because I rely so much on those around me for their approval...and it's just dumb...I should only care about what I think or feel about my accomplishments and disregard everyone else's two cents as maybe two wishes for 1 them disappear and 2 them to not matter to me anymore.
I know I've ran just about everyone off in my life...because my phone never rings it was nice while I had notices of Facebook activity delivered to my phone via text message but they started being jumbled weird messages that online were normal but in text message form made absolutely no sense at all. One more instance of my cutting my arm will no doubt put my ass out on the curb and quite frankly I belong there...in the gutter because I don't deserve what I have since I can't take care of anything without fear of doing it incorrectly...so why not blow it too...I'm really getting the hang of pushing people away and really good at pissing people off too...and hurting people too.
Truth is right now if I lost everything it wouldn't surprise me at all...and I sure as hell wouldn't fight to keep it neither I mean I don't deserve anything but misery...got the memo after losing the 7th person in my life (gma Delphine, Rowsheall, Katelyn, Josephine, my mommy, gma Cole, and now River Lyric) the message is loud and clear! Though I'm not sure if I'm hearing it correctly or not...again my fear of not doing things right or not...so stupid!
Why can't God just sit me down and explain it all to me and reassure me I'm doing things right along the way? You know say here's exactly what this was for here is what exactly you are to do about it and then send me on my way encouraging me to keep going and assuring me I'm doing it correctly...then is when I will finally be able to say to my critics say what you want but this IS THE RIGHT WAY GOD TOLD ME AND KEEPS ASSURING ME IM DOING EVERYTHING THE WAY I AM SUPPOSED TO SO KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOUR SELF I HAVE NO USE FOR THEM!!!! Lol
But that won't happen, when it does it will be too late then to do anything about it anyway so I guess I need to just do it and ignore the critics because I've been asking for help and no one is offering guidance but soon as I finally do something sure then is when people come out and criticize what I've accomplished so I'm just going to do what I want and if anyone says a damn thing about if it were them they'd done it a different way...I with a smile on my face say that's very nice but I didn't ask for your criticism I simply was showing you what I accomplished today on my own after begging for people to help me in instructing me on how to do things for fear of doing things wrong, I finally over came this fear and now you suddenly are full of advice that's so very nice of you to share after I've done it...in your eyes...wrong...in my eyes though...this is how it should be done...MY WAY! Take me or leave me, I couldn't care less. Tired of waiting on everyones schedules to free up time...I have too much time on my hands and no one has time for me...I got that memo too...so compliment or congratulate me on my job well done but keep your helpful advise to yourself after it's done because it's wasteful knowledge at this point in time dear.
Have I really turned into this cold hearted bitch? Well yeah...surprisingly this pushover and walk-on dirt eater has and she has had enough of the silent until able to criticize jerks in my life. So goodbye old life hello new! I'm taking charge and if you don't agree with what I'm doing tough shit you had my puppet strings in your hands and you didn't have the time nor did you show interest in my crisis then why have you suddenly grown interest and an opinion on how to do things? Fuck you your too late! Its done and done correctly in my eyes! So stay out my life as you obviously desired to...and never share your opinion with how you think I should have done things because your too late aren't you? It's already done!
Ok I feel better now to actually live by this...THAT would be AWESOME! But doubtful oh well I tried.

Sincerely,
Rabeka Jo