So sorry if you are getting tons of notifications. I found my journal and wanted to put it in here for personal record of my roller coaster called life. so it can be chronologically in order. There is tons more to type out. And it actually is therapeutic for me to do so. I can see how nothing has changed really and looking back how I could do things differently and such. So hopefully this will help me in the long run and I can change my way of living and maybe stop feeling so out of control of it all and just let things go...I hate that I spent most my kids lives trying to stop them from being kids and self doubting myself and setting myself up for failure time and time again. As well as seeing my struggle that was very private and now that its on the net it isn't private anymore and who ever that reads this blog will see how psychotic I am at times but behind closed curtains. No one knows the turmoil inside my mind. Well until now. So please know that I am trying to be a better mom, person and wife...I am not perfect as no one out there is...they can fake perfect for sure....but I don't put up that show...especially since it doesn't help me get better and get my turmoil under control and feel better about it all...I am continuing to write out my journal and after I am done writing this one all out when I find other journal's/entries that are found in different places here and there as I clean house...I will enter them here and post date them to the date they were written so everything can be in order of date...anyway...I am going to take a break from it now though. I wanna play some Minecraft my most recent obsession these days.
I found an adult craft server I play on. and I also am helping someone set up their own server and plan to help run it soon as they are happy with the plug ins they choose for it. Anyway. If you are an adult and like to play minecraft come see us go to http://adultcraftnetwork.enjin.com/ and tell them AuntBee sent ya ;) see ya there!
Sincerely,
Rabeka Jo
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