June 14, 2017

Dear Journal,

I have been struggling a lot with suicidal thoughts and fantasies. It has been so strong and seems so appealing. But I instead walk away, and ignore them. I think my post partumdepression is rearing its ugly head finally. (I stopped breastfeeding March 2017 and I think its finally bottomed out with the hormones strange I know it seems but I swear that is exactly what is going on with me).

I also maybe throwing myself under a bus here with admitting the next part. On May 5th I began smoking Marijuana to treat my fibromyalgia. Not legal here yet but I don't care. By May 17th I had taken my last Norco 5, cyclobenzaprine, and gabapentin and I haven't looked back. I do still take an occasional naproxen otc for muscle pain and swelling.

The reason for the change is I was on Robaxin for awhile because I had been having breakthrough spasms with the cyclobenzaprine and they switched me. I am just sick and tired of taking pills all the time to be able to function in my day. Depending on them for ability to go through a day with little discomfort as possible. I wanted my life back. And yes pills did it for me for awhile but turned into a ball a chain. Sure swapped for another ball and chain but one that I believe is my saving grace. My stomach has been so much better far as digestion goes and my sleeping also has been better and well the Keto's can be thanked for most of this....but the Marijuana totally takes credit for the pain relief and spasm relief. I tried smoking just at night and by the third night I suffered a monster of a spasm so I smoke three times a day. I really wish there was a more of an exact science as to how much I am getting but its not legal here so no dispensaries to visit and see what other options I have and if I can find the right strand (which upon researching I think Harley Quinn sounds perfect for Fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, (pain and muscle spasms). Sure the brain fog is totally not helped by THC but finding the right strand I think will be key to finding my perfect high.

Anyone out there know what strand I need to get for my issues (Depression, Anxiety, Muscle spasms, and pain? What forms of marijuana would you recommend for me? I am so pleased but I do know the kind I got is not the right strand for me $60 for an ounce wasn't bad but lots of leaves and stems. So not sure what kind I have but it takes the edge off of my sufferings just enough to where I can enjoy my day without pills and without stomach discomfort and I also am enjoying my appetite back. Why this is still illegal is disheartening. And this may condemn me for breaking the law but at this point  the relief I am experiencing is worth any jail time I may face for admitting this use.

I hope my experience helps someone out there suffering and sick of taking pills to function in their daily lives. If you do attempt to try it and its not for you keep trying different strands cuz you gotta try them all to find the right one for you. So don't give up just because the strand you tried didn't do what you need it to do. Research what you need or ask a dispensary worker what strand would be good for what you are up against. If you are not located where its legal you got the internet to help determine what strand you need to get. And I hope you can find you a hook up to obtain such strand so you can feel better and get out of the pill schedule and dependency. Again sure trading one thing for how every many pills you take everyday multiple times a day is so worth it to me. My stomach has not been this calm in years.

I have Fibromyalgia, Depression, generalized anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder, and PMDD as well as late postpartum depression due to stopping breastfeeding a few months ago, but no one will confirm that because its been over 3 years since giving birth. Anyways.

I am so hopeful with my discoveries. its so controversial and frowned on but glad these days are starting to open more minds to the thought. I hope USA wide it will become legal and we all can enjoy a trip to our local dispensaries to obtain the perfect strand for our ailments and we can all find relief in the very near future!

Have you tried this treatment? Has it helped? How many strands have you tried so far? What do you suffer from?  What strand works for you best so far? Let's join the conversation on this matter and hope for change in laws to make this available for all American's especially the medically suffering American's who have suffered far too long and depended too intensely on medication to function in our days.

Thank you for your time and I hope to hear from some of you and learn what works for you so I can hope to find the right strand for me.

Sincerely,
Rabeka Jo