Day 2 detox

Day 2 detox from Norco, Valium, Gabapentin, and Naproxen.

Tremors have set in, I struggled to sign my name for the co pay at the addiction specialists office...they say there is no option to help me through these withdrawals at this point in time because of unmentionable reasons...I am unable to get into right now...He said I could take Benadryl and Tylenol to help with Anxiety and pain and temperature...but that is all I can do right now...that and sleep through it...If I get weak and find myself reaching for the pills...I have an option to go into the hospital for 3-5 days to finish withdrawing there which is something I would prefer given that I am struggling so hard to keep going through this to get off these pills because I HAVE to....I have no other choice but to get off these meds...my shoulder is killing me (Bursitis) and my leg cramps have returned full force...my anxiety is high...my kids are with my mother in law but I think she intends to bring them home which will no doubt add to my anxiety....I don't know how to tell her not right now please without seeming selfish, or rude, or I don't know what the word I am looking for, but I really don't want to add the anxiety of taking care of two fighting boys to the mix though they would be accompanied by my niece and they tend to get along better with her around...but still their energy and disobedience is so not welcomed right now...but I don't think I have a choice in that matter they want to come home and what they want is what they get...the hospital is seeming more and more appealing....but my husband thinks I can do it on my own at home and don't need to wrack up a bill that insurance may or may not cover...we can't afford anything not covered....thinking about calling insurance and seeing what they have to offer me...because I really don't know if I can make it through with the dismissal of my concerns by those around me as if I am putting everyone around me out by deciding to stop meds right now...I really can't help the timing...it is vital that I stop asap...I hope and pray that God gets me through this and I can overcome it and walk away with nothing wrong far as irritability and other adverse effects of withdrawal...I can't add to the chaos that surrounds me...My flesh is weak....but God is stronger than all that comes into my life and He will no doubt see me through it all...just hope it is over soon.

Thanks for stopping in and checking in on me I will update more as things occur...I just took two benadryl and a Tylenol arthritis (1) strength (650mg) and hope to be able to go to sleep but think my mother in law is intending on bringing the boys and niece home...so not sure how that is going to go over...keep my patience in check Lord...and keep my struggle hidden from them I pray...this is so not easy at all on me...

I think some maybe wondering how I could accidentally become addicted so I thought I would clarify that statement from my first post of this series...I been on Norco for a long time...not sure when I started...but it was because my legs had awful cramps in them...they ended up saying it was Fibromyalgia...but Rhumatologist ruled that out and wanted either a back surgeon to look me over (because he thought it was in my lower back that was causing the leg pain or a muscle biopsy...well the Dr decided to do the muscle biopsy and it came back normal...so no answers as to why my pain was there...now my leg where the biopsy was taken down to my ankle is numb and I have a scar but no answers...I continued to stay on Norco....but I took them regularly after surgery every 4-6 hours they are Norco 5's so I thought I was doing good when I got back down to my every 8 hours and even stretched it a little farther at times to stretch my pills for the month...I didn't know my body had grown accustom to the drug and when I quit for those three days it let me know it was protesting that move but I didn't realize it until I looked up the withdrawal signs and symptoms...then I realized my body had became addicted...I myself don't feel addicted...I don't have to have them...but my body does...does that make sense? so now I sit and wait to get through the withdrawals and hope I keep my flesh strong and refrain from dragging it on and on...Dr said 3-5 days it should take for the withdrawals to stop...I hope its 3 not 5 or longer because I don't know how much more of this I can take...

So I am going to go and try and sleep...and hope that if my kids do come home...that I can sleep through these tremors and ease my way into recovery with little effort...wish me luck and keep praying for me as I know I am weak in my despair...thanks guys.

Sincerely,
Rabeka Jo

P.s. Life hasn't been easy on me...loss of two girls to corrupt system and adopted to strangers, then later a daughter died from HLHS and Turner Syndrome then 4 months after that my mother died from skin cancer, then I had a stillborn son at 28 weeks along...The girls being the biggest loss I experienced by far...but THIS maybe the hardest thing I been through by far...thanks again for the prayers I need them